


Faded With Uncertainty

by SoDoRoses (FairyChess)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Angst, Author has no medical training, Concussions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Spoilers for DWIT, this COULD be platonic if you have very strong anti-shipping goggles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-21 07:46:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19370248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyChess/pseuds/SoDoRoses
Summary: It’s pretty common to come across Virgil being awake in the middle of the nightIt’s not at all common to find him doing so whilecrying.





	Faded With Uncertainty

**Author's Note:**

> BiG sPoiLs for Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts kiddos

Roman had to swear to Logan and pinkie-promise Patton that he wouldn’t go to sleep after his… untimely head injury. And even then, it had taken a solid ten minutes to convince them he didn’t need them to stay up and make sure.

Virgil had been curiously absent from this conversation (and it seemed, the mindscape entirely, actually) and Roman hadn’t seen him since.

He’d mostly been occupying himself in the imagination, summoning and then dispelling magical tchotchkes and knick-knacks, watching some of them color Thomas’s dreams.

Eventually his eyes started to feel heavy, and he resigned himself to making a pot of coffee (he briefly wondered if he was supposed to drink caffeine with a concussion, and then shrugged – he figured if he wasn’t supposed to, Logan probably would have said.)

But just as he was about to round the corner into the living room he heard a small, choked off noise.

Roman instantly tensed, on guard. He was  _not_  interested in a repeat performance of a bludgeon to the head.

He listened, but there was no sound of movement. Just those small, bitten-off sounds interspersed with tiny gasps, like someone was holding their breath while-

While crying. Someone was in the commons in the middle of the night,  _crying_.

Roman rushed out into the dim room, honestly expecting Patton, so when a pale, startled face streaked with wet tracks of gray eye shadow blink up at him, Roman was momentarily frozen. Virgil’s hood was pulled up and tightened slightly around his face, and the black fabric against the darkness of the room made him look… small.

Virgil rushed to clean his face with his sleeve instantly, and Roman found there was a lump coming up in his own throat when any tears Virgil wiped away were instantly replaced with fresh ones. Virgil’s breath hissed between his teeth, sounded equally frustrated and desperate.

“Hey, Princey. Thought you’d be getting, uh- beauty sleep, or whatever,”

“My head,” said Roman gently, “Remember? Logan and Patton made me promise not to sleep,”

He apparently wasn’t gentle enough, because the reminder of Roman’s head injury made the sorrow in Virgil’s face twitch over into outright panic, and Roman quickly crossed the room and took Virgil’s hand, smiling disarmingly.

“Easy, Peter Panic, I’m fine,” he said, sitting carefully next to Virgil.

Virgil was holding himself very still, eyes wide and boring into Roman’s head like he could spontaneously develop x-ray vision and examine the concussion himself.

“Here,” said Roman, tugging Virgil’s hand up towards his head, “It’s just a little bump, see for yourself,”

Virgil didn’t so much resist the pull as he didn’t seem to register it for several moments, but then he let Roman bring his hand to the back of Roman’s skull. He gingerly brushed his fingers along Roman’s crown, so gently Roman didn’t even have to stop himself from flinching.

Virgil exhaled slowly. He still hadn’t stopped crying, and so Roman didn’t let go of his hand.

“What’s wrong?” prodded Roman.

Virgil shook his head instantly, his face crumpling in grief and what looked like a sort of resigned rage.

“You’re crying on the couch at three in the morning,” said Roman, a little dry, “I know something’s wrong, Virgil,”

That got Virgil to smile, just a bit, and yet it didn’t make him look any less miserable. Roman squeezed his hand.

“Thanks,” rasped Virgil, “Really. But – there’s nothing you can do, Roman,”

“I do have some skills, you know. I want to help,”

Virgil shook his head again, the pained smile still in place and the look in his eyes still absolutely wretched.

“You can’t,”

Roman took a moment to be just a little impressed and very,  _very_ upset that Virgil was capable of keeping his voice so level when tears were continuously spilling over his cheeks. Roman waved a hand to conjure a handkerchief, hesitated, and then reached forward to gently dab at Virgil’s face.

Virgil leaned into it the same moment he let out another barely-contained sob.

“Please,” said Roman, pressing the hand he still held in his and softly wiping Virgil’s face with his other one, “Please let me help,”

He didn’t say  _Please don’t cry, I can’t bear it, please can I hold you?_ But he came very close.

Virgil sighed, defeated.

“I told Thomas,” said Virgil, again wiping at the teas in in his eyes only for them to be instantly replaced, “About what- what I used to be,”

Roman wavered, biting his cheek.

“V,” said Roman, “I don’t mean to sound- dismissive, but… I sort of thought everybody already knew,”

Virgil snorted but there was absolutely no humor in it.

“He didn’t,” said Virgil, “Maybe other people did, but Thomas _definitely_ didn’t,”

He pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head again.

“His-” Virgil’s voice was strangled.

“His  _face_ ,” he choked, and then he finally started sobbing.

“Hey, hey,” said Roman quietly, sliding closer to Virgil on the couch and fluttering the hand near Virgil’s cheek.

“Oh my god, Roman, would you please just hug me,” said Virgil, clearly trying to sound irritated, and falling miserably, heartrendingly short.

“Of course,” said Roman immediately, relaxing slightly at having something to  _do._ He wrapped his arms around Virgil’s shoulders and pulled him forward a little.

It wasn’t really necessary, because the second Virgil registered the hug he wrapped his arms almost-too-tight around Roman’s ribs and tucked his face into Roman’s neck. His breath came in warm, shaking puffs against the skin there, and Roman’s chest throbbed.

They didn’t  _relax,_  definitely not, but the two of them did sink heavily into the back cushions of the couch. Roman moved his hand up to Virgil’s head, pushing the hood back, and by the time it occurred to him that Virgil maybe wouldn’t appreciate be deprived of his shield (however flimsy) Roman had already slipped his hand into Virgil’s hair.

Virgil didn’t push him off. Instead, he shuddered, his whole body shaking with it.

“So yeah,” he croaked, “It was, you know. Nice while it lasted,”

Roman shook his head, squeezing Virgil just a hair tighter.

“I really-” Virgil’s hands made fists in the back of Roman’s shirt, “I really don’t wanna go back,”

“You  _wont_ ,”

Virgil gave another of those bitter, humorless laughs.

“You didn’t see him,”

Roman shook his head.

“Probably spooked him, is all,” Roman mumbled into Virgil’s hair, “He didn’t say anything?”

Virgil shook his head.

“Didn’t want to hear it,” he said, “I sunk out. Might as well put it off as long as possible, right?”

“You  _aren’t_  going back,” Roman repeated firmly, “You’re-”

His friend, his family, his – just  _his,_ Roman’s, Virgil belonged with Roman.

“-not going anywhere,” he finished lamely.

“You didn’t see-”

“I don’t  _have_  to see,” said Roman instantly, and he moved his hand from Virgil’s hair to the side of his jaw, tilting his head up, “I’m not even talking about Thomas right now, although I seriously doubt he’s actually going to toss you like old take out,”

Roman ran his thumb gently back and forth.

“I’m talking about me, and Patton, and even Mr. Teach Therapy – did you see him today? We’re not letting you go. We’re a set. No missing pieces,”

“I’m not part of the set,” said Virgil, “I’m a novelty Halloween oven mitt that you got as a present from a relative that you don’t like but feel obligated to keep,”

“ _I like you,_ ” said Roman vehemently. Virgil fell silent.

“I like you,” Roman repeated, softer. “I like our Disney debates and l like arguing about who gets the last Mickey Mouse pancake and I even like when you and Logan team up to take all the wind out of my sails because we always build a blanket fort after and I love-”

Virgil’s hands twitched at Roman’s back, and Roman pressed his mouth against the top of Virgil’s head. He didn’t quite kiss him, but only just.

“I just love being around you,” said Roman, his voice so quiet the only way he was sure Virgil could hear him was that he’d gone stock-still when Roman had started talking and still hadn’t moved, “Close to you. Everything about you, Virgil,”

Roman leaned back, and Virgil made some kind of wounded noise at his retreat, but Roman barely went anywhere. He just pressed their foreheads together and closed his eyes.

“So if Thomas has some kind of – crisis, well, then we’ll just have to do what we always do,”

“Stand in the living room and yell at each other?” Virgil said wetly, the corners of his mouth just barely twitching up.

“Exactly!” said Roman, grinning, “Crisis averted,”

“I really wish I believed you right now,” said Virgil. He leaned into the embrace, pressing closer to Roman until their noses bumped, and Roman’s heart stuttered.

“I really wish I knew how to make you believe me,” Roman replied.

“We make quite the pair,”

“We do,” said Roman, and this time he leaned back all the way until he was nestled against the pillows in the corner of the couch and Virgil was tucked against his chest, with Roman’s arms locked firmly around him.

“Go to sleep, Sweets Alive,” said Roman, “I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you,”

Virgil had gone with Roman without resisting, but he held himself tense for a moment.

“You-”

Roman waited, and when Virgil didn’t say anything for several seconds Roman just barely nudged him.

“You’ll still- be here? When I wake up?” said Virgil quietly.

Roman’s eyes stung, and then gave up all pretense and pressed a gentle kiss to Virgil’s forehead.

“Dearest Virgil,” he said thickly, “Nothing could  _possibly_  make me leave,”

**Author's Note:**

> i finished the vid and kept repeating "someone needs to hug Virgil Right Now" for, oh, about 10 hours? and then remembered "wait... i can do that" so i DID
> 
> i'm [ tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors ](tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors.tumblr.com) over on tumblr, feel free to send me prompts about the new video


End file.
